Day 14

Yesterday I posted a test about some animals. These are the answers:

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Simple. Open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door!

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? You would say: "Open the door, put the elephant in and close the door." but you would be wrong! The correct answer was: Open the door, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in and close the door! :-P

3. The lion is having a conference with all the animals. Which animal in missing? The elephant, of course, he's locked in the refrigerator, remember?

4. You have to get across a river inhabited with crocodiles.  How do you do that with no raft or boat? Think about third question. The answer: Relaxe and start swiming. All the crocodiles are at the conference.

I hope I amused you with this test. Now let's get to our daily jokes.

1. You look just like my son

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
-Pardon me, she said. I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.
-I'm very sorry, replied the young man. Is there anything I can do for you?
-Yes, as I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!' ? It would make me feel so much better.
-Sure!
As the old woman was leaving, he called out:

-Goodbye, Mother!
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
-How can that be? I only purchased a few things!
-Your mother said that you would pay for her. said the clerk.

2. Healed

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The man from the TV called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, and placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his "Jewels".
Grandma looked at him and said:

-I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead!

3. Only one wish

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up, rubbed it and a Genius appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genius said:

-Nope, sorry. Three-wishes geniuses are a myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?
The woman didn't hesitate. She said:

-I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other. It will bring about world peace and harmony.
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed:

-Lady, be reasonable! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm, out of shape after being in a bottle for centuries. I'm good but not THAT good! Don't think it can be done. Make another wish  please make it a bit more reasonable.
The woman thought for a minute and said:

-Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful and handsome. That's what I wish for a good man I can marry and make him my pal.
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said:

-Show me the damn map again! I'll see what I can do!

4. The codded message

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Saddam is still alive",  Saddam decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own writing to let him  know that he is still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush couldn't figure it out so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA.
No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA  and the Secret Service, and the list got longer and longer.
Eventually they asked UNO in New York for help.

Koffi took one look at it and replied:
-Tell the President that he is looking at the message upside down!

Day 13.......TEST YOURSELVES!!!!!

Here we are at the most unlucky day of the blog. Until anyone drops a brick on my head, I'll tell you what's  the subject for today's post. Today I'll post a funny small test to see how ingenious you are. The test will have 4 easy questions followed by 4 photos. The answers for the test will be in tomorrow's post. But DO NOT just lie on the sofa watching TV waiting the answers, try to figure out yourself. Ready to start? Good!

1.How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

3. The Jungle King, The Lion is having a conference with all the animals of the jungle. Wich animal is missing? (The photo is just an example. If an animal is missing from this photo it doesn't mean that is the animal.)

4. You are on the bank of a river and you have to get across but the river is inhabited with crocodiles. How do you get across with no raft or boat

Think about this small test and see if your brain is big enough to help you pass trough this test. See you tomorrow!

Day 12

1. The bottomless bottle
One day a Russian (quite drunk) decided to go fishin'. After three hours with no catch, he caught the Gold Fish. The fish will grant him three wishes.... You know the story.
-If you set me free I'll grant you three wishes, one today, one tomorrow and one the day after tomorrow. What' your first wish?
-I want a bottomless bottle of wine.
-All right here it is. I'll see you next morning here.
Next morning the fish comes to the meeting place and waits......... and waits....... and waits. About 3 P.M. the Russian appears with the bottomless bottle in his hand.
-Where have you been, I've been waiting for you. Never mind. What's your second wish?
-I want you to grant me both the other wishes. First, fill this one up. And second, gimme other two bottomless bottles!


2. 5 pounds
A maid was fired for shoddy work. When her ex-boss has finished talking the maid
takes 5 pounds out of her purse and gives it to him.
-What’s this for?
-Its for your dog. He’s been helping me clean the dishes for 7 weeks!


3.Do you ever hear voices?

A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.

-Do you ever hear voices without being able to recognize the voices or where the voices are coming from?

-As a matter of fact, I do.

-And when does this happen?

-Oh, when I answer the telephone.

4. The deep root

A dentist ran out of anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled.
He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth
extraction.
It all happened in an instant.
The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth.
Afterwards, the dentist asked:
-Hurt much?
-Didn't hardly feel it come out. But, man, those roots were really deep!

Day 11

1. Sleeping in class

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through out the class. One day the teacher asked her while she was napping,

-Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
-God Almighty! shouted Mary.

Teacher said:

-Very good! and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary,

-Who is our Lord and Savior?
But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

-Jesus Christ! shouted Mary.
The teacher said:

-Very good! and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.

-What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted

-If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!

2. First anatomy class

Med School students were receiving their first anatomy  class with a real dead human body. They are all  gathered around the surgery table with the body  covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started  the class by telling them,

-In medicine, it is  necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor,  the first is that it is necessary that you not be  disgusted.
The professor then uncovered the sheet, sunk his  finger in the ass of the dead body, withdrew it and  sucked it.

-Go ahead and do the same thing. he  told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated  and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in  the ass of the dead body and sucked it after  withdrawing it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them  and, with a smile on his face, told them,

The second important quality is  observation. I sunk the middle finger and sucked  the index. Pay attention people, pay attention!

3. A visit to the doctor

A woman takes her 4 year old son in for his yearly well child visit to The doctor.
The doctor asks the little boy:

-Do you know your name?
-Yes, my name is Johnny.
-And Johnny, do you know your mom's name?
-Yes, her name is Mommy.
-And what is Mommy's real name?

-It's Tammy.
-That is great.
-And what is your daddy's name?
-It is daddy.
-And how does mommy call him?
-Asshole.

4. Just found out

A gentleman walks into a bar one day, looks at the bartender with a troubled look and says:

-6 double shots of vodka please.
The bartender makes the drinks and says to the man:

-Having a bad day?
-Just found out my brother is gay. then gulps down the drinks.

The next day the same man walks into the bar, looks at the bartender and says:

-Make it 6 double shots of vodka please.
The bartender makes the drinks gives them to the man, and says:

-Another bad day pal?

-Just found out my other brother is gay. then gulps the drinks down and leaves.
The very next day, again the same man walks into the bar, looks at the bartender and says:

-6 double shots of vodka.

The bartender looks at the man and says:

-Man is there anybody in your family that likes women?

-Yes, just found out my wife does!

Day 10

1. Good excuse

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without saying a word and examined it and the car.
-It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go.
The guy thinks about it for a second and says:

-Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!
-Have a nice weekend! said the officer.

2. A smart cat

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of it one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife:

-Jen, is the cat there?
-Yes, the wife answers. Why do you ask?
Frustrated, the man answered:

-Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions.

3. Old vs young

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to young cock:

-Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

 -What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should retire.
 -Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?
-No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
-In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I loose you will have all.
-O.K. What kind of competition?
-150 feet run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 30 feet.
-No problem! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the young cock allows the old cock to start off and when the old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the young cock chases him with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the old cock in a matter of seconds.
Until suddenly, BANG!!!!
Before he could overtake the old cock, the young cock was shot dead by the farmer

-Bloody, bloody hell. This is the fifth GAY cock I've bought this week!!

4. Gorilla remover

A man wakes up one morning and find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pitbull
-What are you going to do? the homeowner asks.
-I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pitbull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.
So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
-What's the shotgun for? asks the homeowner.
-If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shot the dog!

Day 9

1. The fines
A man was telling to another one:
"I parked my car near a restaurant. I just wanted to go to the bathroom. I didn't stay more than 4 minutes. When I came out I noticed a policeman writing a fine. I went to him and asked:
-Please don't do it!
But he did't even look at me. Then I said:
-C'mon, you son of a b***h. Stop, please.
This time he looked at me and started to write another fine for old tires. I said:
- Ahh, please. Stop this shit. What did I do?
He looked at me again and started to write a third fine. All this thing took 20 minutes 'til I decided to stop and go home. So I walked by the corner, I entered in my car and drived away."


2. Kenan, the Turkish
In Glasgow there was a great factory. Kenan was an Turkish man that worked in this factory. One day the director of the factorycalled Kenan to him.
-Look, Kenan, I must fire you.
-Alas, But why do you fire me?
-You see, with all this European balderdash .... You didn't do the highschool, that's it!
-No problem. I can do it in one month.
A month later, after Kenan did the highschool the director call him:
-You don't have suprior knowledge, so I must fire you!
-No problem, I'll go to Oxford!
After Kenan comes from Oxford, the director calls him again:
-I did the highschool, the university. What reason do you have to fire me now?
-I don't like other nationality people in my factory.
-No problem, we can go to the Mayor and make me english.
They went to the Mayor and the church and name him Jhon. The director calls him again:
-Look, Jhon, yesterday an EU representant called me and told me that I fire too many people of a different ethnicity, so I must fire some english people too.


3. At the Nile
Three blondes comes to the Nile and wanted to go to the other bank, but the river was inhabited by crocodiles. Each prayed to God to grant them a wish. God agreed. The first blonde said:
- I want a raft.
She got a raft but the crocodiles destroyed the raft and killed her. The second blonde said:
-I want a motorboat.
She got a motorboat but the crocodiles destroyed the motorboat and killed her. The third blonde said:
-I want to be brunette.
She became brunette and looked around.
-Hey look, there's a small bridge!


4. Car names
Did you ever wonder what the car names really mean? Here are some of  'em:

AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
BMW : Brings Me Women
FIAT : Failure in Italian Automobile Technology
FORD : Fix Or Repair Daily
HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand, Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive
VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

Day 8

1. The giant rgg
In a household a hen produce a huge egg. The media and all others gatheredto that house to see the egg and ask the hen how did see succeed it
-Miss hen, how did you do it?
-Family  secret!
-Any future plans?
-I wanna produce a bigger one!
-Mister rooster, how did your wife do it?
-Family  secret!
-Any future plans?
-To kick the ass of the ostrich!


2. At hunting
A hunter's wife asked her husband to take her at hunting with her:
-All right, darling, I will, but first you must remember that each time you see some movementyou must shot. After shot you must go andtake the prey before another hunter do that.
Next weekend they go into a nearby forestand decide to get separated. After half an hour the husband hears a shot andruns fast to the place he heard it. He sees then his wife fighting for a reindeer with an ranger.
-All right, lady, all right. The reindeer is yours but let me take the saddle off it.


3. The German, the Russian and the Jew
In a bar, three friends met, a German, a Russian and a Jew. Each order a beer. After drinking from his beer, the German says:
-I have lots of money. I think I'll buy Microsoft.
-I swim in money too, the Russian said. I'll want to buy Apple.
Aftersmoking a few and drinking from his beer, the Jew says:
-No luck, gentleman. I don't sell them.


4. How to organize the money
A orthodox priest, a catholic priest and a rabbi were talking about how toorganiye the money in their church/temple.
The catholic priest:
-I have a very good methode. I draw a line on the ground and I throw the money in the air. What fall on the right side is for God and church, and what is on left is for me.
The orthodox priest:
-I have a better methode. I draw a circle on the ground and I throw the money in the air. What fall in the circle is for God and church and whatis out of it is for me.
The rabbi:
-I have the best methode. I simply throw the money in the air. God keeps what He wants and what falls down is for me.

Day 7

1. The rabbit, the beaver and the hipo
After he smoked some drugs, a rabbit lie was lying on the grass on the bank of a lake. A beaver comes to him and asks;
-What happened to you, rabbit?
-I smoked some drugs. Want a few? Hey, beaver, wouldn't be cool to smoke some, keep your breath, swim to the other bank and only there to expire?
The beaver do so. On the other bank the beaver expired and fell on the grass with a large smile on his face. A hipo comes to the beaver and asks:
-What happened to you, beaver?
The beaver gives the hipo the explanation and the hipo goes to the other bank to see what's up. When he sees him, the rabbit scared and yelled:
-EXPIRE, beaver, I told you expire!


2. Who wants his ass kicked?
A man enters into a bar and asks:
-Who wants his ass kicked?
A huge guy stands up and says:
-I want!!
-Then go around the bar corner. I got my ass kicked there.


3. Guess who am I?
Two friends met on the street. One of was covered with bandages ,had a broken leg. He looked dreadful.
-What happened to you? the other said. Did a car hit you?
-No, it's because of my new hobby.
-What hobby?
-Each week, about 4 o'clock in the morning, I dial a phone nomber, random, and say: "Sucker, guess who am I!"
-And?
-And last week someone was right.


4. The three bats
Three vampire bats were hanging of a tree branch. One of 'em goes and comes back half an hour later covered with blood.
-What happened to you? the others said.
-Do you see that dead sheep over there? I sucked all its blood.
Another one goes and comes back 20 minutes later covered with blood too.
-What happened to you?
-Do you see that cow over there? I slained it.
The third one goes and comes back 10 minutes later covered with blood too.
-What did you eat?
-Nothing! Do you see that tower?
-Yes!
-Well, I didn't see it.

Day 6

1. The magic lamp
One day a man spotted a lamp on the roadside. He picked it up, he rubbed it and a genius appeared.
-You found my lamp so I'll grant you your fondest wish. the genius said
The man thought for a moment then said:
-I want a spectacular job. A job that no man has ever had or has ever even dared try.
POOF!!...
-Good, the genius said. Now you are a housewife.


2. A helpful priest
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the doorbell is just out of his reach.
After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks:
 -And now what, my little man?
To which the boy turns and yells:
-NOW WE RUN!

3. 105 sheep
A blonde paints her hair in black and goes to a sheep farm. She says to the farmer:
-If I tell you the correct number of sheep you own, will you give me one?
-All right!
-105!
-Amazing! How did you know?
-Intuition! Now let me choose a sheep.
After she put her animal in the car the farmer asks her:
-If I tell you the natural color of your hair, will you give me back my dog?...


4. A police chase
It was 2:00 a.m. and a California Highway Patrol officer was sitting behind a billboard, eating a donut and watching his radar gun. Suddenly, WHOOOOOM!!!! A car speeds past him topping out at 104 miles per hour. The cop jumps in his car and chases after the reckless driver.
He sees the speeding car weaving all over the road, and when the cop put on his siren, the driver panicked and drove into the oncoming traffic lane. He zoomed past cars and trucks, all frantically skidding and honking their horns. Somehow the cop was able to keep pace with the guy, and the driver did a 180 and drove in the opposite direction. The cop did a U-Turn and followed the car, and watched the guy break through a guard rail, over a cliff and land safely on the road below, only to have the car engine start smoking and die.
The cop scrambled down the cliff to find the driver staggering out of his car, obviously drunk.
-Are you drunk or something? he screamed at the driver.
-Of course, replied the guy, You think I’d ride this scary roller-coaster sober?

Day 5

1.I buried my wife's mother
In a village two men met, one of them was all scratched on his face:
-Good day, how do you do?
-Ah, I'm fine. I just buried my wife's mother.
-I'm so sorry. But why do you look so dreadful?
-She opposed.


2. Just wondering
An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.
When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked:
-What’s the matter, old man? Never did anything wild in your life?
The old man did not bat an eye when he responded,
-I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.


3. Why it's necessary to be quiet in church?
A school teacher asked her little
children, as they were on the way to church on sunday:
-And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied:
-Because people are sleeping.


4. How old am I?
In the deduction class at a college the teacher says:
-The school is 30 feet tall and 60 feet long. How old am I? Yes, George.
-44, sir.
-Amazing, how did you deduced that?
-Well, I have a neighbor half lunatic than you and he's 22.

Day 4

1. The worst day
There was a guy sitting at a bar, looking at his drink. He stayed like that for half an hour.
Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says,
-Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying.
-No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, in this morning I fell asleep, and I was late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fired me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police say they can do nothing. I took a taxi to return home and when I left the car, I remembered I left my wallet and credit cards there. The taxi driver drived away. I entered in my house and I found my wife in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.


2. The pirate
A sailor meets a pirate in a bar. The two men take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas.
The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eyepatch. He asked:
-So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?
-Me and my crew were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off.
-Wow! What about your hook?
-Well, while me and my crew were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant. I was arrested and my hand was cut off as a punishment.
-Incredible! How did you get the eyepatch?
-I was sleeping on my ship and a seagull landed on my face.
-You lost your eye because of a seagull?!
-Well, no, it was my first day with the hook...


3. On the highway
A woman was driving veeery slow on the highway. A policeman stops her and ask her:
-Why do you drive so slow, lady?
-That's the speed limit, look: "Highway 5"
-Ah, ha ha, 5 is the number of the highway not the speed limit. But what happened with the woman on the right chair? Why is she so pale?
-She'll be all right in a minute. She's like that since we came out of Highway 279.


4.The bet
A blonde and a redhead were in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the six o'clock news on television. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied:
-I'll take that bet!
Anyway, sure enough, the man jumped and the blonde gave the redhead $50.
The redhead said,
-I can't take this, you're my friend.
-No, a bet's a bet.
So the redhead said:
-Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on TV on the five o'clock news, so I can't take your money.
-Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

Day 3

1. Seeking keys
A drunk was seeking something under a light pole. A man was walking there and asked him:
-Did you loose something?
-I lost the keys of my house.
-I can help you find 'em.
And they started to seek. After 30 minutes:
-Are you sure you lost your keys here?
-No, I lost them under that light pole but there is no light.


2. Potato garden

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Brandon, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

"Dear Brandon,
I am feeling pretty bad and it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad"
A few days later he received a letter from his son.

"Dear Dad,
For God's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love Brandon"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Brandon."

3. Escape
A man phoned a mental hospital and asked:
-Is there anybody in Room 13-A?
The receptionist replied:
-No, sir, that room is empty.
-Great! said the man. That means I really did escape!


4. In a holiday
Being in a holiday at a mountain region, a middle age couple were in their hotel room when she says:
-Look darling, we can see a deer at the window.
-First, that's not a deer, it's a cow. And second, you're not at the window you're at the mirror.

Day 2

1. In a beautiful morning
In a beautiful morning three friends decided to go to a picnic. After four hours:
-I'm bored, said one. Why don't we play golf?
-That's the greatest idea I heard today. Ican find three sticks.
-I have a ball in my car. All we need now is a hole.
-Don't even think about it! I don't give you any hole....


2. In a tavern
In a tavern in a port an old pirate ask the bartender:
-What is this watery juice in my plate?
-It's soup, sir.
-Ha, I sailed half a century trough soup and I didn't know?!


3. Tow hunters
Tow hunters were following a deer in a forest when one of them saw a hang glider:
- Mike, look over there on the sky. What is that mighty beast?
- I don't know, I'll shot it.
A few seconds later:
-Ahh..... C'mon. You didn't hit it. that should be our trophy now. Why didn't you aim first?
-I didn't hit it but at least the beast dropped the man from it's claws.


4. Three men in a cell
Three men were talking in a cell at jail:
-What did you do to get here?
-I killed a man with the car. You?
-I broke a window at work.
-What? shouted the other two. Where did you work?
-On a submarine!

Day 1

1. In 1587
In 1587 a stuttering pirates ship was ready to start a journey from Tortuga to a great port. They wanted to rob the port and sell what they got on rum. In a beautiful morning the captain saw a ship:
-Sh-ssh-ship aa-aaah-ahead!!!
-Mmm-men the can-caaan-cannons!!!-
-Rrrea-ree-ready....fi-fffi-fire!!!
And the cannons: "Bbbo-booo-boom!

2. After their ship sunk
After their ship sunk, the captain and a few sailors were floating on a raft...
-Captain, how much do we have 'til we reach land?
-About 3 miles..... Downward!

3. Two good frieds
Two good friends were talking :
-You know I'm a sailor, right?
-Yes, I do. Why?
-I must go on sea for one year and I want you to take care of my wife. She's pregnant in fifth month.
-Don' t worry I'll take care of her.
One year later the sailor came back.
-It's so good to see you, my friend. How was it ,on sea?
-It was all right, but now... did you take care of my wife?
-Yes, I did. You left her pregnant in fifth month, you find her pregnant in fifth month.....

4. A man on a bench in a park
A man was reading a newspaper smoking a cigar on a bench in a park. Another man comes to him and tells him:
-You know, every year 10000 french die because of smoking
-I don't care... I'm russian.

Introduction...

Hey, everyone...

Since today I'm gonna give you four jokes everyday. Each day there will be one post that will contain 4 new jokes. I wanna make you laugh and I hope I'll succeed it...See you at the next post.