1. Don't ever do that again
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went upon the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said
-Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!
The passenger apologized and said:
-I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.
The driver replied:
-Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been a driver of a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years.
2. Divorced Barbie
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
-I wanna buy a Barbie doll for my daughter.
In a condescending manner she responds:
-I wanna buy a Barbie doll for my daughter.
In a condescending manner she responds:
What kind of Barbie? We have ...
- Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95
- Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95
- Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95
- Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95
- Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95
- Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
-Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?
That's obvious, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture...
3. Supernatural lecture
A professor at the University of West Virginia was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks:
-How many people here believe in ghosts?
About 90 students raise their hands.
-Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?
About 40 students raise their hands.
-That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?
About 15 students raise their hands.
-Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?
3 students raise their hands.
-That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?
Way in the back, Billy Ray, the farmer, raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says:
About 90 students raise their hands.
-Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?
About 40 students raise their hands.
-That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?
About 15 students raise their hands.
-Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?
3 students raise their hands.
-That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?
Way in the back, Billy Ray, the farmer, raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses, and says:
-Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture; no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks:
The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks:
-So, Billy Ray, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?
Billy Ray replied:
Billy Ray replied:
-Ghossst????....Shiiiiit!...From way back there I thought you said "Goats!".
4. Deer or bear
Two blondes are walking in the forest.
One looks down and says:
One looks down and says:
-Look, I found some deer tracks.
The other blonde looks down and says:
The other blonde looks down and says:
-You stupid! Can't you see, they look hard and strong, these are bear tracks.
-But... they are thin and smooth too, so these are deer tracks.
Half an hour later they were still arguing, when a train hit them.
-But... they are thin and smooth too, so these are deer tracks.
Half an hour later they were still arguing, when a train hit them.
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