Day 18

1. Stay out of this

A young ventriloquist touring the clubs is doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, the goes through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 2nd row stands on her chair and shouts:

-I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general. And you do it all in the name of humor.
Quite taken aback, the embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize.
But the blonde yells again:

-You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!

2. The only survivor

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are stranded on a deserted island 20 miles from shore. They decide to try to swim to shore.
The brunette swims 7 miles, gets tired, and drowns.
The redhead swims 10 miles, gets tired, and drowns.
Only blonde gets out of the swim alive.
She swims 19 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

3. Poor Baxter

A man was supposed to meet his girlfriend's family.  Unfortunately, he is so nervous he has an eating problem. So, halfway through desert he tries very hard to hold his fart.  At the end, he escaped out a little small fart. The sister of  the man's girlfriend shouted "Baxter!" to the family dog which was under the guy's chair. Being thankful that the dog was blamed for the gas, he lets  out an even bigger fart.
-Baxter! shouted the sister again.
  He decided to fart more so he lets out the biggest fart ever.  The sister finally said:

-Baxter, come here before he shits on you!

4. Playing golf

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The  first one teed off and watched in horror as her ball  headed directly toward a group of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his  hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to  roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.  She then explained that she was a phisical therapist:
-Please let me help you. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!
-I'll be all right.... I'll be fine in a few minutes. he replied breathlessly as he remained in a fetal position  still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took  his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put  her hands inside, beginning to massage him.
-How does that feel now?
-It feels great. But my finger still hurts like hell!.