Day 19

1. The end of a cave

Three men went to a contest. If one of them was able to go to the end of a cave, he would win a prize. The first one went till the middle of the cave and heard:
-When I find you, I take your skin off, I cut you and then I eat you.
He got sacred and ran back. The second heard the same thing and ran back.
When the third man entered the cave he heard the same thing, but he decided to continue the "journey". When he arrived at the end of the cave he noticed a a mankey seeking a banana and saying:
-When I find you, I take your skin off, I cut you and then I eat you.

2. A parrot on a plane

After taking his seat on a plane, a mild mannered young man was startled to see a parrot strapped in next to him. Choosing to ignore the bird, he asked the flight attendant for a cup of coffee.
-And get me a damned whiskey, now! the parrot ordered rudely.
A few moments later the attendant returned with the whiskey, but no coffee.
"Hey, stupid, the parrot cried out after draining his glass, another whiskey!
Again, the attendant hurried to bring the parrot his drink but forgot  the coffee.
Upset at being ignored, the man decided to try the parrots approach.
-Hey, you! he yelled at the attendant. Coffee now or you'll never  work for this bloody airline again!
A moment later, a burley co-pilot came over, grabbed the man and the parrot and tossed them out of the plane door. As they plunged downward, the parrot turned to the man  and said:
-You know what, for somebody that can't fly, you're a quite cheeky man!.

3. The dancing duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching  a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its  owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and  the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger:

-Your duck  is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!
-Oh! Sorry it's my fault. I didn't tell you that you have to light the candle under the pot.

4. Just one thing

Bud and Jim were a cuple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Philadelphia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing
to do. Bud said:

-Man, I wish we had something to drink!
-Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. he says:

-Hey, how do you feel this morning?

-I feel great. How about you?

-I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?

-No, that jet fuel is great stuff: no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.
-Yeah, well there's just one thing. said Jim
-What's that?
-Have you farted yet?
-No.
-Well, DON'T, 'cause I did and now I'm in Denver.