Day 24

1. Gift from God

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd.

-Children are a gift from God, he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said:

-Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.

 

2. The statue

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked:

-May I please use the rest- room?
The bartender replied:

-I really don't think you should.
-Why not? the nun asked.
-Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private part is covered only by a fig leaf.
-Nonsense, said the nun, I'll just look the other way.
So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said:

-Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?
-Well, now they know you're one of us. Would you like a drink?
-But, I still don't understand.
-You see! laughed the bartender. The lights went off and on 10 times while you were in the restroom and the light only goes out when the fig leaf is lifted on the statue. Now, how about that drink?

3. The bravest man on Earth

An Irishman is walking towards the pearly gates and St. Peter stops him  and says:

-Hey, where do you think you're going?
-Why? I'm going to heaven of course.
St. Peter says:

-Well you don't just walk into heaven, you have to earn it by doing something worthy, you must be deserving. Have you done anything worthy?
The Irishman thinks for a while ... and says:

-I'm the bravest man on Earth
-How?
-Because I walked down the streets of London waving an Irish flag.
-Oh! My!!...Really?

St. Peter looks amazed and asks further:

-When did you do this?
The Irishman looks at his watch and says:

-Just 25 minutes ago. 

4. Pray for a bike

Two good friends were talking:

-When I was young I used to pray for a bike

-And did you get it?

-No, but I realized that God doesn't work that way.
-So..

-So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.