Day 25

1.Spit out

An American, an Englishman and a Scotish are at a bar. Each of them orders a beer. As the bartender sets their drinks in front of them, three flies buzz in and each of them land in a beer. The American pushes his drink toward the bartender and says:

-There's a fly in my drink. Pour me another.

The Englishman picks the fly out, shrugs and takes a drink. A sudden noise makes them glance over at the Scotish, who is holding the fly over his drink and pinching it, saying:

-Spit out every brop you drank, ye wee thievin' bastard!

2. Two plus two

While he was reciting his homework, Johnny was heard by his mother:

-Two plus two, the son of a b***h is four. Four plus four, the son of a b***h is eight; Eight plus eight, the son of a b***h is sixteen…
-Johnny ! shouted his mother. Watch your language! You’re not allowed to use the swearwords.

-But, Mom, replied the boy, that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it.
Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain.

-Oh, heavens ! said the teacher. That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, "Two plus two, the sum of which is four."

3. Johnny in math class

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
-Why? asks the father.
-The teacher asked "How much is 2x3?" and I said "6" replies Johnny.
-But that's right!
-Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?"
-What's the f***ing difference? asks the father.
-That's what I said too!

4. Prayers

A father walks by this son's bedroom and stops. He heard him say:

-God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grandma. Ta Ta Grandpa.
The father did not know what the boy meant but he was glad his son was praying.
The next day he found Grandpa dead. That night he went to his sons room and heard his son praying,
-God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta Ta Grandma.
The dad was scared but waited till morning. And sure enough Grandma was dead.
That night he went his sons room again and heard him praying:

-God bless Mommy. Ta Ta Daddy.
The Dad way really scared. He didn't sleep all night. In the morning he went to the doctor to check him.
When he came home he saw his wife. His wife said:
-Thank God you're here, Honey!!! We found the mailman dead on the front porch this morning.