Day 31

1. Survivors

A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.
After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, so they slowly nursed her back to health.
When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings" again.
He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear:
-Would you mind if I would ask you to take the dog for a walk?

2. Blonde wish

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genius.
The genius says:

-Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one.
The brunette says:

-I’ve been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home.
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says:

-I’ve been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too.
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genius asks:

-My dear, what’s the matter?
The blonde whimpers:

-I wish my friends were still here.

3. Murder case

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The captain says they can’t just turn her away, and orders the desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview. To just ‘play along’ and humor her.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks:

-What’s 2+2?

-Ummm… 4! the blonde says.

Dang, the officer thinks, so tries a harder one:

-What’s the square root of 100?

-Ummm… 10! the blonde says.
-Good! the officer says, deciding to switch from math to history. OK, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

-Ummm… I don’t know. she admits.

-Well, you can go home and think about it. he says, And come back later and tell me what you’ve figured out. He figures that’s the last he’ll see of her.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

-Not only did I get the job, the blonde says, but I’ve already been assigned to a murder case!

4. Blonde joke

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender:

-Wanna hear a blonde joke?

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says:

-Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm 6 feet tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6.2 feet tall, weighs 225 lb, and he's a rugby player. The fellow to your right is 6.5 feet tall, pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind guy says:

-Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.