Day 32

1. Do they ever bury two people in the same grave?

In Detroit, a woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandfather. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked:

-Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?

-Of course not, dear. replied the mother.Why would you think that?
-The tombstone back there said "Here lies an honest lawyer and the greatest man Detroit ever had."

2. Karate

A man wanted a watchdog, so he went to the pet store. He asks the clerk:

-Do you have a good watchdog?
The clerk replies:

-You're in luck, I have one left.

She comes back with a chihuahua.
The man, a little ticked off, says:

-What the hell do I need a chihuahua for? That's not a watchdog!
The clerk replies:

-But this is a special watchdog. He knows karate.

The clerk takes the chihuahua and the man out to an alley, where there is some trashy furniture. The clerk
points to a chair and says:

-Karate that chair!

Less than a second later, the chihuahua reduces the chair to sawdust.
The clerk points to a sofa and commands the dog:

-Karate that sofa! Repeat performance.
The man, amazed, buys the dog for $100 and takes it home.
When he gets home, the man shows his wife the chihuahua proclaiming:

-Honey, I got you a watchdog!
The wife yells:

-That isn't a watchdog, for cryin' out loud! You wasted your money!

The man calmly replies:

-This is a special watchdog. He knows karate.
The wife, flustered, shouts:

-Karate?!? Karate my ass!!!

3. Cold water

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather:

-Are these plates clean?
His grandfather replied

-Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks so he asked again:

-Are you sure these plates are clean?
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says:

-I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, grandfather's dog started to growl and would not let him pass.

-Grandfather, your dog won't let me out.
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching grandpa shouted:

-Coldwater, get out of the way!!!

4. Bad atitude

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully  grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the  least, rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude. He was  constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, he did  anything he could think of. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder  and ruder. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot  in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly  opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's  extended arm and said:

-I'm sorry that I might have offended you  with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will  endeavor to correct my behavior.
David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had changed him when the parrot continued:
-May I ask what the chicken did to be left in the freezer?