1. A bet with the bartender
This guy was in a bar the guy tells the bartender:
-Bet you $300.00, I can put this beer bottle here on the bar and pee into it from the other side of the room.
The bartender knew that was impossible and was an easy way of making money said alright. so the guy put the beer bottle on the bar and tried instead of making it in the beer bottle he peed all over the bartender and the bar.
The bartender said laughing:
The bartender knew that was impossible and was an easy way of making money said alright. so the guy put the beer bottle on the bar and tried instead of making it in the beer bottle he peed all over the bartender and the bar.
The bartender said laughing:
-That's $300.00!
The guy said OK shaked hand with the bartender gave him $300.00 and walked away so glad. The bartender asked him why he was so happy. The guy simply replied:
-Well, you see those guys back there, I bet them $1000.00 that I could pee all over you and your bar and that you would laugh about it!
3. You get too violent
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
-Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, one for you and give me one too.
After they drink the bartender gives the man the bill "$67.00"
-I haven't got so much money.
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says:
After they drink the bartender gives the man the bill "$67.00"
-I haven't got so much money.
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says:
-Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, one you and give me one too
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $77.00.
-I haven't got so much money.
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says:
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $77.00.
-I haven't got so much money.
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says:
-Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink and give me one too.
In disgust, the bartender says:
In disgust, the bartender says:
-What, no drink for me this time?
-You? No way! You get too violent when you drink.
-You? No way! You get too violent when you drink.
3. An armless man
An armless man walks into a bar, which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his
wallet in his pocket, since he had no arms.
The bartender obliged.
He then asked if the bartender would trip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked the bartender if he would get a hanky
from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.
The bartender did, and commented that it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said:
wallet in his pocket, since he had no arms.
The bartender obliged.
He then asked if the bartender would trip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked the bartender if he would get a hanky
from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.
The bartender did, and commented that it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said:
-Yes, it is embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?
The bartender quickly replied:
The bartender quickly replied:
-The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street.
4. Genius grants a wish
A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter in his hand. On the lighter was writen with large letters "BICK". He asks the man:
-Where did you get such a big lighter?
-See that man playing piano over there? He's a genius and he'll grant you one wish.
So the guy walks over to the genie and says:
-See that man playing piano over there? He's a genius and he'll grant you one wish.
So the guy walks over to the genie and says:
-I wish for a million bucks.
All of a sudden the room fills up with a million ducks.
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says:
The man walks over to the guy with the lighter and says:
-That genie is a little hard of hearing, isn't he?
-Yeah. You think I asked for a 14 inch BICK?
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